Guilt
by flootzavut
Summary: McAbby. This is friendship - more or less. Episode tag to Endgame, 7.7. Three shot. Winner of the McAbby Madness challenge on NFA.
1. Guilt

**_TIM_**

"I'm so sorry, Timmy."

Tim looked up. He'd been nursing a cup of coffee (he knew he had to look bad when Gibbs actually went and bought one for him), while trying, and failing, to immerse himself in catching up on emails and paperwork. Anything that would take his mind off this last disastrous few days.

Abby stood in front of his desk, one pigtail twisting between her fingers, and her eyes full of compassion. "I'm sorry about Amanda."

"Don't you mean Juliet?"

He knew his voice was harsh. He half expected Abby to retreat at his tone, but instead she moved round the desk and bent over to give him an awkward hug. He stiffened at her touch. Being offered comfort meant recognising that he was hurting, and he was trying so very hard not to acknowledge that right now.

"She wasn't Juliet to you."

That was true, he reflected. In his head, he knew that Juliet Tippon was an assassin, one who'd threatened his life, come perilously close to taking it. He knew that Lee Wuan Kai had likely saved him with those unexpected gunshots. He knew it had all been a ruse to get close to NCIS through him.

But in his heart, a girl named Amanda had died in his arms - a girl who'd got under his defences, who he'd rapidly begun to fall for. A girl with clear blue eyes and a ready smile. A pretty, sweet, intelligent girl he would never have expected to be interested in him.

"I should've known," he whispered. "I should've realised that a girl like that wouldn't go for me. I should've-"

"Don't say that! Don't say that." Abby squeezed him a little closer, and he relented enough to slip his own arms round her slender body.

"It's true, Abs. I'm not confident enough, goodlooking enough for someone like Amanda- Juliet, I mean. I should have known..."

"Don't you dare say that, Timothy McGee. You are sweet, and you're brave, and you are caring. You're smart and you're brilliant."

He laughed bitterly. "Yeah, and women really respond to geeks with multiple degrees, Abby. I'm overweight, I'm too shy. Women don't even see me. I should've known when she gave me her number... Girls never just give me their number. It doesn't happen. I should've known."


	2. Interference

**_ABBY_**

"Tim, open up." She knocked again, then buzzed the doorbell. Getting into the building without his help had been easy enough, but if she broke into his apartment, he really might not forgive her. Or at least, not as quickly as she'd like.

"Tim! You know I have boundless patience when I'm right."

Another long press on the doorbell. Still no answer. She turned round and leaned back on the door, then slipped out her mobile. She'd tried to ring several times, and was pretty sure there was no point trying again. Tim was pretty anal about text messages, though. If she sent enough of them, he'd answer just to make her stop.

_I'm not going anywhere._

No response.

_You know I'll sleep out here if necessary._

She was pretty certain she heard movement, but still no answer and the door was still locked.

_Don't you know it's rude to ignore a visitor?_

After half a dozen more texts without a reply, she started thumping on the door again.

"Timothy no middle name McGee, get your skinny butt out here _now_."

She hadn't really expected that to work, and jumped in surprise when she heard the tumblers of the lock clicking round. The door opened a couple of inches. He'd left the chain on, but she made an executive decision not to be insulted by that when she saw his face.

"What?" He was clearly trying to seem just grumpy and annoyed, but Abby saw through that even when Gibbs did it. McGee didn't have a hope of fooling her.

"You gonna let me in, Timmy?"

His frown deepened. "Why?"

She pursed her lips and cocked her head to one side. "Um, because you're hurting and you need a friend, and it's Saturday?"

He pouted (she'd always been a sucker for the adorable 'grouchy little schoolboy' look that gave him) and didn't move.

"Maybe I wanted to be alone."

"Maybe what you want isn't what you need."

"Maybe I know what I need better than you do."

"Maybe you should give in gracefully because you know I'm going to win this argument eventually. And also, I brought donuts."

An involuntary smile tipped one corner of his mouth up for a second, and she knew she had him. He raised his eyes heavenward, but took the chain off and opened the door. "Well, I guess you'd better come in."

"I guess so, McGee. I guess so."


	3. Catharsis

**_TIM_**

Tim couldn't quite figure out how his planned evening of feeling sorry for himself interspersed with period bouts of moping had ended up with him on his couch licking donut sugar off his fingers and with Abby curled asleep next to him, her head on his lap. Times like these, he was glad he'd spent some of the cash from his books on some really good, comfortable furniture.

(Another of her suggestions. Well... not a suggestion so much. More a case of her dragging him to the store and forcing him to try dozens of suites until he found one he liked.)

He'd moaned and grumbled and complained on and off for at least an hour and a half after she arrived. It was easier to act like the Grinch than have to admit how awful he was feeling and how grateful he was to have her company.

Along with the donuts she'd brought a movie - some cheesy horror flick he'd eventually let her put on. She hadn't said so, but he suspected she'd picked it for its lack of a love story and the excess of violence coupled with some really bad jokes and some unintentionally hilarious moments. It shouldn't have made him feel better, but there was something cathartic about it. An hour or so into it he'd laughed at a particularly awful pun, hadn't been able to stop himself, and out of the corner of her eye he'd seen Abby's triumphant grin.

He stroked her hair, smoothing back a strand which had worked itself loose from a pigtail. It was funny, she was usually full of energy and bounce, but when she came to his apartment she always ended up falling asleep. On his bad days he wondered if he was just that boring. On his good days, he was touched that she relaxed in his home.

Today had started out a bad day - a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, in fact. He'd woken up at 3am from a nightmare of Amanda- of Juliet, bleeding out in his arms again. He hadn't been able to get back to sleep, his overactive imagination supplying him with images of all the other times he'd been unable to help, to keep someone he cared about safe. Erin - he hadn't thought about her in years. Kate. Sarah. The times Abby's life had been in danger - worse, the time when it was his fault. He often wished his brain had an off switch, but on a day like today he'd've been willing to do anything to just shut it off, shut it down.

The bad day had unexpectedly turned into a good evening, though. Thanks to Abby. She had come through for him - again. Made him laugh. Helped him look beyond the guilt and pain. Just... been there. For all the misunderstandings and petty jealousies over the years, when he really needed a friend... there she was. Every time.

The comfortable warmth and weight of her on his lap was reassuring. He pulled a blanket down from the back of the couch to tuck around her. She stirred slightly and smiled in her sleep before settling down again.

"Thanks Abs." He knew she was asleep, but he couldn't stop himself. "You're my best friend, you know that?" He whispered the words, not wanting to disturb her. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

He really would have to tell her that sometime when she was actually awake, he thought, smiling at his own foolishness.

_Well, if I'm gonna be sentimental_. He pressed the tips of his fingers to his lips, then placed the kiss on her cheek with a featherlight touch. She turned slightly, snuggling deeper into his lap.

He found her hand, interlaced their fingers, and allowed his head to drop back. _Really good couch. Thanks, Abs._

For the first time that week, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

_~FIN~_

**A/N**: this story is finished, but I really enjoyed tipping my toe into a little McAbby. So, you can probably expect a sequel... eventually!


End file.
